


Oh, Rats!

by coffeeincluded



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Abyss - Freeform, Cats, Ferrets, Gen, Just something fun and silly, Misunderstandings, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), not part of my au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 10:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22430956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeincluded/pseuds/coffeeincluded
Summary: There was somethingmovingunder the floorboards.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55
Collections: Those Who Drabble in the Dark





	Oh, Rats!

**Author's Note:**

> For the Felannie Discord Weekly Drabble Prompt: Misunderstandings!
> 
> And because I need a palate cleanser after Royal Studbooks and I think we all do to some extent, here's some fun silly fluff!

There was something scrabbling under the floorboards in the dark. There was something _moving_ under the floor.

Bernadetta was the first to hear it, which made sense. She was on the ground floor and tended to leave her room at odd hours of the night to avoid other people and stock up on food for the week so as to minimize trips to the dining hall. Which was how she heard the distinct, unmistakable sound of scrabbling under the floorboards.

Edelgard found Bernadetta the next day, an exhausted quivering mess stalking after cats near the greenhouse.

“…Do I even want to know?”

“AAAAHHH!” The cat she was stalking ran for cover in the nearby bushes, while the younger kitten she had in the crook of her arm yowled and scratched at her face in fright. “Ah! Ah, Edelgard! It’s not my fault I promise I keep my room clean I don’t know where they came from I can fix it myself I even bought litter at the market—”

There was no response from Edelgard; there never was. The princess always waited for her frightened babbling to burn itself out (ooohhh, stupid Bernie, one day she’ll get fed up and never talk to you again or worse have you _executed!_ ) so she could actually say, “There’s…there’s rats under the floorboards.”

This time it was Edelgard’s turn to freeze, Edelgard’s turn for her eyes to go wide. “ _Rats?!_ Are you sure?”

“Well, I didn’t see them, but I heard scuttling under the floorboards…”

Without another word, Edelgard marched into the bushes and plucked out one very surprised cat. “Get as many cats as you can.”

A few hours later Felix, carrying a small basket of dried fish, was quite worried when a certain Flurf was nowhere to be found.

* * *

Edelgard told Hubert and suddenly there were markedly fewer cats roaming the monastery. Instead, the cats found themselves crammed in Edelgard and Bernadetta and the rest of the Black Eagles’ rooms until she had to tell her loyal servant to stop collecting cats; one or two would do.

Or not, because Bernadetta _still_ heard scratching under the floorboards.

Ferrets were next, but not for long. Although they were mischievous, adorable, and more than capable of getting under the floorboards after the mysterious rats, they also smelled and loved stealing things. The trial was quickly halted after everybody’s wallets, along with some of Dorothea’s… _personal_ …items (Sylvain caught the ferret in the act; he would _never_ let her live it down) somehow wound up in a little pile under Professor Byleth’s bed.

Cats didn’t work. Ferrets didn’t work. Poison remained uneaten; the bait sat in the corner mocking Bernadetta. She accidentally set off one of her own traps during a panic attack; it was humiliating asking Linhardt for help healing her hand. And she _still_ heard the scratching under the floorboards.

“Oh Bernie, now what? Those rats are still here! You’re gonna have to sleep in the greenhouse from now on, on the cold floor with not a blanket in sight…”

Another litany of scrabbling, and then a thump.

“EEEEK! GO AWAY!”

Another thump. Then…voices?! They were whispered, too soft for her to make anything out, but they were definitely _human_ voices under her desk. Oh no. No no no!

Bernie snatched up a training lance and held it quivering in front of her. “S-stay away!”

A hidden trapdoor opened and Bernie found herself staring at a man with powdery lilac hair and eyes.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “Dammit Balthus, I told you we were being too loud down there!”

“…” Bernadetta passed out.

**Author's Note:**

> Will Abyss show up in my main story? I have no idea!
> 
> Regardless, here's something silly and fun! I hope you all have a laugh.
> 
> Also, I have three ferrets, and they have done _exactly_ this. I can't tell you how many times I've had to retrieve my wallet, keys, etc from under my bed. Actually they're playing in my sweatpants as I type this. Funny story: One of them is deaf and loves tactile stimulation. Like rubber. Or fuzzy tennis balls. Or the vibrations of the vacuum cleaner. At 3 AM.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and see you all again soon!


End file.
